To become one’s own man

By wanderlust in Uncategorized 0 Comment
This entry is part 2 of 3 in the series the practice of celibacy

 

Richard Sipe, the ex-benedictine monk-priest who dedicated his career of psychotherapy to research clerical abuse in the Catholic Church and celibacy, says that

 

The successful celibate has become his own man, in spite of a system that reinforces and rewards the opposite type of consciousness and behavior.

 

 

Sipe links celibacy with an identity so individualized, so concrete, that the journey is not (cannot be?) institutionally instructed. What does it mean to be “one’s own”? It is a journey of assimilating one’s own nature, but even more than one’s nature: How precisely that nature is individualized in one’s being, one’s haecceity [1]haecceity (from the Latin haecceitas, which translates as “thisness”) is a term from medieval scholastic philosophy, first coined by followers of Duns Scotus to denote a concept that he … Continue reading

In a way, I am called to take possession of this promised land which is my individualized nature, to take possession of what has been given to me. Like the Jewish people, I cannot do it on my own, but I know I am called to do it. I prayer for the wisdom, the courage, and the perseverance to be able to receive this gift of being my own man.

However, I begin to realize that taking possession will not be effective if it is down as an act of the will. Or rather, that this act of the will must have a greater object to pursue beyond conquering of self – after all, the conquering of self would only represent a triumph of a pride. Rather, this movement of conquering must be born of and done out of love for the Lover. Even more, it must be done as gift to the Lover, not even as a way of manipulating Him to give us that which we desire. In other words, I must love with such a detached love that if I’m not given what I pray, I may end up loving even more.

All things were given to me from the moment when I no longer sought them. [2]St John of the Cross

 

What does this speak to me of?
That celibacy is about loving, actionable renunciation. Emphasis on the first word: loving; without it, celibacy is just ego-based ego-seeking asceticism. And part of love entails not just action, but has an element of affect, of heartfelt delight.

References

References
↑1 haecceity (from the Latin haecceitas, which translates as “thisness”) is a term from medieval scholastic philosophy, first coined by followers of Duns Scotus to denote a concept that he seems to have originated: the irreducible determination of a thing that makes it this particular thing. Haecceity is a person’s or object’s thisness, the individualising difference between the concept “a man” and the concept “Socrates” (i.e., a specific person). In modern philosophy of physics, it is sometimes referred to as primitive thisness.
↑2 St John of the Cross

to be one

By wanderlust in poem 0 Comment

to be one

i can feel the power of seeing, of truth
and the boil of blood
that negates nothing of the real,
as it presents itself just

so to feel the strength of the emotions accepted,
at a distance sustained, and spoken truth to
by this governing mind.

to be a master of self,
to be One, with might
to be closer to true Self
and to see it in delight

the tension, the music, of what is to become one
from the passions many,
from the multiple selves
governed by, becoming: One.

little thing I am,
but by this I am hurled:
when i’m master of my self
i’m master of the world

celibacy, gift or practice?

By wanderlust in celibacy 0 Comment
This entry is part 1 of 3 in the series the practice of celibacy

Is celibacy a gift or a practice?

Mt 19:12 teaches that some are *born* eunuchs, others are *made* so, and still others *choose* to live as such for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

Sexuality has always played a powerful role in my life. I have approached this mystery at times with disgust in my childhood, at others with obsession in my teenage years, later with fear of bondage and despair. And, of course, as a Millennial, with the Internet. Always. The Internet.
I was exposed to sexual images in Middle School and, since then, I’ve been hooked – my drug of choice. Throughout the years, I’ve moved through different genres and media: from pictures and videos to webcams.

Now, sexual desire for me has also always been a deeply spiritual force, one that has, of course, related to sin, but also with spiritual ecstasy. The idea of celibacy started appealing to me. I knew that sex could not satisfy the deepest cravings of my sexual desires. I read the mystics. And I envied them.

I believe that celibacy is a practice. And I believe that it’s also the most sexually rewarding way to live one’s spiritual life. But I have also been in sexual bondage for the most part of my life.

With this series I would like to accomplish one thing: to focus my attention on the practice of celibacy in my daily life., i.e., how I choose to live this life, in the hopes that the Giver of All Gifts will, in his heart, bless me with this gift. Just like a marriage requires special attentions for healthy communication, expression of affections, education of children, and moments of grief and healing; likewise, I believe that a life of celibacy also requires deliberate attention, especially in these times of technocracy and self-referential nihilism.

For the above reasons, I will write one blog entry a day for the next six months. I will write daily posts in the form of a reflection of the day and a weekly post as a reflection on concepts that I can apply to my life of celibacy.