Is celibacy a gift or a practice?

Mt 19:12 teaches that some are *born* eunuchs, others are *made* so, and still others *choose* to live as such for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

Sexuality has always played a powerful role in my life. I have approached this mystery at times with disgust in my childhood, at others with obsession in my teenage years, later with fear of bondage and despair. And, of course, as a Millennial, with the Internet. Always. The Internet.
I was exposed to sexual images in Middle School and, since then, I’ve been hooked – my drug of choice. Throughout the years, I’ve moved through different genres and media: from pictures and videos to webcams.

Now, sexual desire for me has also always been a deeply spiritual force, one that has, of course, related to sin, but also with spiritual ecstasy. The idea of celibacy started appealing to me. I knew that sex could not satisfy the deepest cravings of my sexual desires. I read the mystics. And I envied them.

I believe that celibacy is a practice. And I believe that it’s also the most sexually rewarding way to live one’s spiritual life. But I have also been in sexual bondage for the most part of my life.

With this series I would like to accomplish one thing: to focus my attention on the practice of celibacy in my daily life., i.e., how I choose to live this life, in the hopes that the Giver of All Gifts will, in his heart, bless me with this gift. Just like a marriage requires special attentions for healthy communication, expression of affections, education of children, and moments of grief and healing; likewise, I believe that a life of celibacy also requires deliberate attention, especially in these times of technocracy and self-referential nihilism.

For the above reasons, I will write one blog entry a day for the next six months. I will write daily posts in the form of a reflection of the day and a weekly post as a reflection on concepts that I can apply to my life of celibacy.